Books That Changed My Life

“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.”

Dr. Seuss

I love books, always have.  Growing up, books like The Lord of the Rings, The Chronicles of Amber, and the Dune series were my retreat from the reality of a chaotic home life.  What I read has changed over the years, although I’ve been rereading The Chronicles of Amber this summer and am loving it equally, yet differently, as I did when I was younger.

Nowadays, books are as often a gateway to learning as they are an escape.  Yes, I still escape through books, but for different reasons than when I was a kid.  Back then, I was running away from chaos; today, a great book lets me explore new worlds, live different lives, and use my imagination to enrich my world.

There is a handful of books that I’ve read over the past 11 years that set my life on an entirely new course. Here they are, with a brief explanation of their impact on my life.

No More Mr. Nice Guy.  The one book to rule them all…for me.  I can't overstate the positive impact on my life this book has had.  Honestly, it makes me uncomfortable to write this as it forces me to reflect upon my life before this book, how needy and emotionally stunted I was, and how unhappy and unfulfilled I was.

Nice guys believe that if they’re always “good,” do the “right” thing, and sacrifice their own needs and masculinity for others, they’ll be loved and have a problem-free life.  This stems from a deep-seated feeling that it is not safe or acceptable to be how they are and a deep feeling of toxic shame.

Nice Guys are anything but nice - controlling, disingenuous, passive-aggressive - all things I used to be.

At its heart, Nice Guy Syndrome is about codependency, although this word is only mentioned once in the book.

This book provides a roadmap of healing for the Nice Guy that can transform his life.  It did so for mine.

The Way of Men.  A misandrist mother raised me; I learned from her that men were not good or safe; therefore, I was not good.  Yes, it was as awful as it sounds.  No More Mr. Nice Guy began the recovery process from that wound. The Way of Men furthered it by showing me the positives of masculinity and being a guy.  That I love being a guy now is in no small part because of this book's impact on me.  It was an essential part of my transformation from Nice Guy to where I am now.  It has helped me to become good at being a man, to know there is a distinction between being a good man and being good at being a man, and that masculinity has more to do with successful relationships with other men than it does with relationships with women.

The Way of the Superior Man.  Attraction, masculine and feminine polarity, embracing my masculine energy, including sexual, and understanding the differences between men and women on an energetic and spiritual level.  This book took me to the next level and helped me embrace freedom as my highest calling.

Grow Up.  This book heightened my masculine emotional intelligence and took me to deeper levels of understanding of what makes me tick and how to confront my shadow.

Philosophy For Life and Other Dangerous Situations.  A supremely readable book that takes the teachings of ancient philosophers and applies them to life in the modern world.  Stoic Philosophy, which is anything but stoic, has had a significant impact on my life over the last 11 years.  This book delves into the wisdom of twelve of the greatest philosophers of the ancient world and their guidance on happiness, resilience, and emotional health.

The Alabaster Girl.  A beautifully written book about women, beauty, and seduction.  The author has been referred to as the greatest natural seducer of the modern world; he was talked about in The Game (entertaining, occasionally instructive, but not life-changing for me).    Seduction has been demonized right along with masculinity in our modern world.  This book celebrates seduction, the energetic interplay between masculine and feminine, and offers an alternative to canned lines, peacocking, negs and mind games.

A Moveable Feast.  Hemingway, I’m drawn to his writing like a moth to a flame and am fascinated by his life.  I struggled to pick one book and finally settled on it for its glimpse into his life and life in Paris during the 1920s.  I’ve used this book to guide my explorations in Paris, which was fun and powerful - walking in the footsteps of such a man was inspiring.  And yes, I’m fully aware he took his own life.  The man had nearly a dozen concussions throughout his life, including one from using his head as a battering ram to escape the wreckage of the second plane crash in as many days.  That one resulted in cerebral fluid leaking from his ears.  The end of his life was full of severe depression associated with what is now known as Traumatic Brain Injury.   

East of Eden.  Steinbeck’s retelling of the Biblical tale of Cain and Abel.  Magnificent, deep, suspenseful, thoughtful.  Love, lust, sin, good versus evil, and the battle for free will.  A stunning piece of literature that took my breath away.  The struggle for free will and freedom inspired one of my tattoos.

These books set my life on a new course that wasn’t calm seas and smooth sailing.  The gales threatened to knock me off course; the sea monsters were frighteningly real.   And now I know that I don’t think I’ll ever reach port, and I’m grateful for that; there’s too much to do and see and experience and live.  These books have helped me discover new worlds and new parts of myself and enriched my life.

“A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies…The man who never reads lives only one.”

George R.R. Martin

Peace, Freedom, and Progress