Solo Travel and an Unexpected Valentine’s Day

“Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.”Benjamin Franklin

I am no stranger to travel as I do it constantly for work, 95% of which is with other people.  Solo travel with no one else setting my schedule, destination, or activities is rare.  I began this year with two desires that I hoped to combine:  Escape winter in America for a tropical destination and be out of town for Valentine’s Day. The latter to avoid any of the women in my life having expectations of sharing my company that day as I avoid boyfriend behavior.

Costa Rica filled the bill for a tropical destination, airfare was acceptable and I booked an Airbnb.  I chose a bungalow within a private compound that had everything I sought by being clean and well maintained, a short walk to the beach and town, air-conditioned, and fast Wi-Fi.  Upon arrival, I discovered it also possessed intangibles that spoke to my heart - beauty, tranquility and simplicity.

My life is full of schedules, deadlines, technology and other people’s needs of my time; I’m sure many of you can relate.   So I planned this trip to be none of that - no set schedule, no deadlines, simple and no one to answer to; a complete lack of structure between the bookends.  So many people hunger for time like this in their lives, at least that’s what they claim.  Yet so many reacted with surprise upon hearing my lack of structure and made recommendations on what I should do with my time. Almost as if they couldn’t envision sitting still with themselves, hearing the quiet, feeling the freedom.  I yearned for a rustic and fulfilling experience that spoke to the poet and pirate within, set my soul on fire and recharged my batteries.

I packed a carry-on with beach clothes, a great book, my journal and my camera and off I went for a week of sun and adventure.

I had done a little pregaming on Bumble and Tinder but had no solid leads to explore on arrival.  Making plans with any matches proved difficult as most female tourists were moving around every few days as part of a group, Costa Rica is a common “girls' getaway.”  There was plenty of interest but no opportunities and I wasn’t willing to rent a car to chase a lead on the off chance of shared chemistry in person.  Having said that, I did make out with a woman while sitting at the bar where I had dinner my first evening.  She was completely smitten with me, I was less so with her - average-looking at best.  Apparently, I have a minimum level of attractiveness but will go for the make-out when it’s served on a silver platter.

My Airbnb host was a terrific guy.  Within five minutes of meeting him, I knew he was gay, which I am completely fine with; to each their own.  Five minutes later it was apparent he was flirting with me, which given we were to be neighbors for the next week, was less than ideal.  My opportunity to clear the air came later that evening sitting around the pool and getting drunk together. I conveyed I knew he was gay, couldn’t care less, and that I was completely straight.  It was as if I could see the lightbulb go off above his head, he laughed and said “Oh, you’re one of those straight guys that’s actually straight, unlike my neighbors back home.  Cool, let’s be friends.”  And that is how I made a great friend with whom I stay in touch to this day.  It is quite a red-pilled experience on male sexuality to listen to uncensored stories of a gay man’s sex life.

As Valentine’s Day approached, the town began filling with couples whom I looked upon without envy.  I witnessed smiles and laughter, but just as frequently saw tense moments, disgust, exasperation, and frustration, overheard passive-aggressive words, and never saw a hint of true passion.  I had been in their place, confused as to why there was always drama, wondering where the joy had gone.  I marveled while observing how ease and delight seemed to be so fleeting.

I was excited to have Valentine’s Day to myself without obligation or contrived expectations.  The day began with coffee on my porch listening to the monkeys in the trees, delighted with my lot in life.  Later, I headed to the beach for lunch, found a shady table with a view, and settled in for a relaxed afternoon.

I noticed her smile, followed immediately by her curves in all the right places.  My very cute Tica (the local nickname for a native woman) waitress was incredibly attentive, kept the margaritas flowing, and always managed to insert personal questions into our banter - where was my girlfriend, was I really solo, how long would I be in town, was I a writer.  We traded numbers and made plans for later that evening after she got off work.

My actual dinner date that eve was my host. He knew the owner of a great restaurant full of couples celebrating.  We had dinner with the owner and his lady, memorable for being unique, fun and delicious.  And yes, I know most people assumed we were a couple, and no, I didn’t care.    

My Tica got off work late, we met, and the chemistry was powerful.  We had a drink or two at a bar that was still open.  I had rum and whiskey back at mine.  We made the short walk home and she left the next morning.

Perhaps the best Valentine’s Day I’ve had, certainly the most memorable.

My night with Tica wasn't guaranteed.  She was 31, much younger and there was a bit of a language barrier.  But she dug my vibe and I dug her curves and her soft skin.  I was able to create a connection where she felt safe; sure, some women don’t need this, but I like the ones that do because they are relatively sane.  I was able to capitalize on logistics, bars closing and being prepared to entertain.

We’ve stayed in touch and I get the occasional nude, which always makes me smile.

I’m sure many are familiar with the Hunter S. Thompson quote about buying the ticket and taking the ride.  The entire quote hits me deeply:  “No sympathy for the devil; keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride...and if it occasionally gets a little heavier than what you had in mind, well...maybe chalk it up to forced consciousness expansion: Tune in, freak out, get beaten.”  My consciousness was certainly expanded on this trip.

None of the adventures I had would have happened the way they did if I had been accompanied.  Solo travel created possibilities and opened doors which I stepped through and my life is richer from these experiences.  I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and find your own adventure.  My life before splitting with my ex-wife was about working hard, playing it safely within the “rules” and putting other people’s needs first, which led to me being successful, unfulfilled and unhappy.  Over the last 11 years, I have hit my stride, shed my self-imposed chains and transcended many of my self-limiting beliefs.  And that is what this blog post is truly about.    

I went searching for the poet and pirate within, for new stories, new experiences and a fire in my soul.  I went in search of beauty and found it in abundance - from my bungalow to the culture, beach, landscape, sunsets and a certain Tica.  As in the words of Thoreau, “I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life.”  Adventure is its own reward, yet this trip was full of rewards beyond adventure.  It filled a deep need, brought me confidence, happiness, and (hopefully) a story worthy of Ben Franklin’s criteria and yours’.

Peace, Freedom and Progress