Solo Travel and an Unexpected Valentine’s - Sugunda Parte

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

Mark Twain

Occasionally, we get to do things that feel about as close to fulfilling and meaningful as we might ever experience.  Last year’s solo trip to Costa Rica was exactly this for me—a perfect getaway - meaningful, fun, beautiful, relaxing, and sexy.   Late last year, I decided to repeat my winning formula and booked the trip again - same location, same Airbnb, same week.

Being out of town for Valentine’s Day was one of my smarter decisions last year; it simplified life at home and provided an exciting evening with the curvy Tica.  Things can change in a year, and one of those things was her.  Last year, she was a hard-working waitress with a great smile.  Over the intervening year, her social media evolved: exotic locations, emphasis on photos around the water wearing bikinis, and parties.  She asked for money twice last year.  I won’t judge a guy for doing sugar-daddy game, but it’s not my jam.  She reached out after seeing my social media post from Costa Rica, saying she wanted to get together; I did not answer.

Another difference was my Airbnb host.  Last year, it was the gay man who was filling in for the property owner and became a friend; this year, the owner was there - a great guy, but not a friend.

Last year’s trip agenda was quiet, but thanks to my host and the Tica, it wasn’t.  I went into this year’s trip with the same agenda: nowhere to go and nowhere to be, just books, journal, and camera; simple, quiet, and fulfilling.  I came closer this year, but, as I’ll explain, it wasn’t as quiet as I planned.

I’m never happier than when I’m alone in a foreign city; it is as if I had become invisible.

Storm Jameson

Unlike last year, when many groups of women were traveling through town, this year was primarily couples and families; I had much less activity on the apps and saw fewer groups of women in town.  I was thoroughly content with this and was not actively swiping; my life has more than enough female companionship.  However, fate intervened, and I got a like on Bumble: A cute, petite brunette, smart, from Seattle but spending the winter in Costa Rica.  At home, I would have swiped left for the simple reason she mentioned “feminism” in her profile; I have found women who mention politics or social causes in their profile quickly become tiresome bores.  I want to have fun, and getting a lecture ranks right up there with practicing to bleed for entertainment value.  However, I was up for a bit of adventure and matched with her, and I’m glad I did.

I planned our dinner at the only seaside resort in town for the 13th.  She arrived a bit early and was smiling, which she does a lot of.  She was cuter and more petite in person, which is always a pleasant surprise.  And very smart, which I like.

I was confused by her closed body language of folded arms and legs crossed and pointed away from me, which did not match her apparent enthusiasm.  We were both having a delightful evening, that was obvious.  So, I de-emphasized her body language and focused on her enthusiasm.  As our date ended, I invited her to accompany me to the weekly town night market on the 15th; she immediately accepted my invitation, confirming her body language didn’t match her enthusiasm.

I took her hand to cross a busy road while walking to her car, and she didn’t let go after crossing.  The kiss car-side was surprisingly passionate, the kind of kiss when time almost ceases to exist.  I said we could also spend Valentine’s Day together, and she immediately said yes.

Put her in her car, and her battery is dead.  I helped her organize her thoughts, made sure she didn’t leave anything important behind, helped her find a cab, evaluated the driver and decided he’d be fine, gave her cash for the cab because she didn’t have enough, then said to her “you’ll be fine, text me when you get home, call if anything comes up.”  I give you these details because they mattered greatly to her; she said so.  Healthy women appreciate and crave a man who takes the lead and solves problems.

Our Valentine’s Day date the next day ended with her at my bungalow.  And again the night after that.  Feminists enjoy getting tossed around a bed just as much as the next woman.

It felt good to be still.  I left Costa Rica relaxed, well-rested, invigorated, and happy, a word I do not use lightly.  The more solo travel I do, the more I want to do; it leaves me craving more.  I enjoy the feeling that every decision made is solely mine to make.  There’s no pressure to fill my time with activities, side trips, or special meals.  I read three books and started a fourth. I made friends with the local cat.  I journaled and, hopefully, did justice to the beauty I witnessed with my photography; I had profound conversations with an intelligent woman and enjoyed her company a few times that week.

I started this Renaissance Bachelor journey almost three years ago with more of a direction to take my life in rather than a destination.  All I was certain of was the traditional model of monogamy felt stifling.  I didn’t feel like I was thriving or growing; I felt like I was being held back, that my life wasn’t solely my own.  Truthfully, it wasn’t an easy journey from there to here; I had to do a lot of shadow work and confront what was missing inside that made me feel less complete single than I did coupled.  I still haven’t reached my destination, but the course I’ve plotted for my life these last three years has brought more genuine happiness than I’ve ever experienced before, excluding the birth of my daughter.

Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that’s OK. The journey changes you; it should change you.

“It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. You take something with you. Hopefully, you leave something good behind.

Anthony Bourdain

Thanks for coming along for the ride.

Peace, Freedom and Progress