Simplifying

Greetings from the Far East; work brings me to this side of the world frequently.  This trip started in Hong Kong, where I had a second date with the cute Filipina that I mentioned before.  I’m currently in Tokyo.  I like trips to this side of the world; I believe my first trip over here was in 1997. I like it here even more now that I’m single.  I have no intention of becoming a “passport bro,” but I do find the culture and women of the Orient to be intriguing and attractive.

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.

Leonardo da Vinci

I’ve had a growing desire to simplify my life this year, prioritize peace and tranquility, and embrace a more minimalistic lifestyle.

Writing this previous edition of the newsletter resulted in thinking about how to manage my dating life.  I spent much of my free time the last two years dating; there were weeks that I had four or five dates, all with different women—fun, and also time-consuming and expensive.

“Spinning plates” or juggling multiple women takes effort; at least, it does for me.  Keeping track of who I’m texting at the moment, remembering who loves sushi, who hates sushi, how many kids they have, who I’ve made dinner for, who’s made dinner for me, not mentioning something fun I did with another woman, etc., all add up to some level of focus.  And focus requires bandwidth.  I only have so much bandwidth, and I want to use it wisely, not solely for dating.

To that end, I decided to limit the number of women I regularly see at home to two at a time; I’ve tried three at a time, which invariably has left me feeling stretched thin and ungratifyingly busy.  On the flip side, dating one woman at a time has a potential issue of, at least subconsciously, leaving me feeling I’m relying upon one woman for sex.  And that can lead to a series of behaviors that I do not like to see in myself.

Swiping on the apps was practically a full-time hobby; now, it will become something I only do when I am looking to fill one of those two regular spots or while traveling.  Plus, I’ve made it a goal this year to meet more women in person rather than through the apps.  This decision may lead to less sex than in the past; time will tell.

There is a concept known as the Sunk Cost Fallacy that I’ve found helpful in my effort to simplify.  It’s a financial concept that can be applied to our personal life as well.  Essentially, it’s human nature to resist making changes because we don’t want to feel the time, resources, or effort we have already sunk into something was wasted.  Rather than making a rational decision to get rid of something we no longer use or end a poor investment, we make no changes, often to our detriment.  I know I’ve been guilty of this with relationships, friendships, memberships, and home life.

I am a big fan of men’s style expert David Coggins’ Substack.  His writing here and here prompted me to give consideration to my wardrobe, which I realized had a lot of Sunk Cost Fallacy hanging within it.    I usually have a donation bag going, but I’ve been relatively haphazard about the process.  I read once that if an article of clothing hasn’t been worn in the past six to twelve months, it’s time for it to go.  With that guideline in mind, I attacked my closet and purged a surprising amount.  Most will be donated; the rest I will sell on eBay.

Another minor example is the dozens of sales emails filling my inbox daily, especially between 8-10 am.  It's my fault; I had a habit of signing up for the email list to get a discount and then not taking the time to unsubscribe.  For me, that artificially full inbox became a distraction.  I am aggressively unsubscribing from almost everything.  The peace this has already brought to my life is worth the small effort.

I have a book problem, as in I have many.  They’re all properly stored on shelves, but even I look around sometimes and think, wow.  Most I will never read again, and some I will never get to because I’m no longer interested.  I’m confident I can cull the herd by 50 percent through donating or selling.

I have three motorcycles, one of which I didn’t ride last year.  It’s an older bike with an uncomfortable seat and poor suspension; I will sell it in the spring.

My spacious, full-sized basement has become a repository for many things I’m unsure what to do with.  It no longer feels spacious; in fact, it’s become cluttered.  Half a day’s effort will make it spacious again.

I have an extensive bourbon collection that once numbered over 60 different labels.  A few months ago, I limited myself to only purchasing special releases and using my less-preferred brands as cocktail mixers.  I haven’t counted recently, but I think I’m down to around 50, not including the spares of my favorites in the basement.  My bar top looks crowded, which bothers me more than knowing I have a nice collection.

I have perhaps been more guilty than many about purchasing things I do not need or purchasing more of an inferior item (see the previously mentioned bourbon collection) than buying fewer, better quality goods.  I’m sure this was a reaction to the many lean years I went through while married to a financial nightmare and then paying her alimony.  Years of forced minimalism rather than purposeful minimalism.  Moving forward, less impulse, more intention.   And focus on fewer, higher-quality additions to my life rather than more lesser-quality.

It seems in our modern world that things and places become popular and “hot” quickly and then become passé just as fast.  Fads do not interest me; I am drawn to the more profound.  Classics exist for a reason, whether because of their design, craftsmanship, or beauty.  My appreciation for well-crafted things, be they clothes, automobiles, watches, cigars, or whiskey, has grown over the years.  And a life without beauty, be it expressed through design, music, literature, art, nature, or femininity, truly isn’t worth living.  Timelessness rather than timeliness in all things.  And there’s often a simplicity in that timelessness.   

I’m already seeing a difference from the small effort I have put into this thus far.  Lightening and simplifying my world visually and materially has lightened and simplified my inner world as well.  I’m excited to implement more of these changes and see what comes of them.

Finally, I’m working on a larger (for me) writing topic that may be the subject of my next newsletter.  The deeper I dig, the deeper the content; I hope to finish it soon.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Thanks for reading.

Peace, Freedom and Progress