2023 Retrospective and 2024 Goals
I think there is value in looking back over the year that was and then using that retrospective to create goals for the coming year. Honestly, I have been very inconsistent with this; it’s easy to journal in private and then drop the ball a few months into the new year. I think doing this “publicly” will be a productive exercise that will produce results that have eluded me up to this point. We’ll know at next year’s retrospective.
Unreservedly, 2023 was a good year for me. Included in that goodness was starting this blog - it gives more creative meaning to my life than I imagined it would have. I also had a few hard lessons, which I will discuss below.
I’ll start with dating. I don’t know how many first dates I had last year, but it was a lot by my standards; I would estimate 20-30. The upside to this frequency is I met several cool and attractive women, enjoyed their company even if there wasn’t a connection, and had fun. The downside was it was time-consuming and expensive. I do not recall getting ghosted last year; it’s not something that happens to me very often. To put it bluntly, I’ve followed my advice, I’m easy to chat with and nonjudgmental, and I know how to maximize masculine and feminine polarity to create chemistry.
I had sex with seven different women, five previously mentioned here, here, and here; one holdover from 2022, and one other. Five were multiple experiences that lasted for weeks, months, or are still ongoing; the Valentine’s Day chick was one-and-done, and the Hong Kong chick was once so far. I had fun last year, and that’s what dating is about for me rather than notches to my bedpost.
Far more important than my dating life is my relationship with my daughter, and it is delightful. She’s 19 and actually wants to spend time with me, which we do multiple times a week. I am incredibly proud of the woman she’s grown up to be and am excited for her future.
Financially, I paid off the last of my debt, have money in the bank, and can afford my daughter’s college tuition. My 401k was wiped out in the divorce, but it has recovered relatively well. There are far more competent sources of financial information than I, so I shall refrain from saying much here. The two best financial decisions I ever made were divorcing my financial nightmare ex-wife and not living with a financial nightmare ex-girlfriend. Women, including my daughter, are EXPENSIVE. This is now one of my screening criteria; I will not date a woman whose financial life isn’t together. I expect to pay for dates and activities that I plan; however, it has been my experience that women who cannot pay their way eventually shift from appreciating this to expecting it, which leaves me feeling used and disgusted in both her and myself.
To avoid accidentally doxing myself, I’ll refrain from discussing my career other than to say I’m respected, lead a good team, and am fairly compensated.
I am truly blessed to have some incredible friendships. My three best friends are incredible men I admire, respect, and value. They’ve all endured their crucibles and have come through the fire and been transformed by their experiences. I love these men, and my life is better because they are a part of it. Additionally, there’s a handful of men I know through motorcycles and clubs that are important to me. These are all men who’ve entered my life since divorce. Friendships with other men are essential to me for many reasons, perhaps the most important being it makes me less needy with women; I already have a support network.
My health was consistent all year other than having basal cell carcinoma removed from two spots; damage from being a teenage lifeguard that has come to roost. I had a persistent shoulder injury that has finally resolved; it feels good to add weight to my lifts again. I’ve made some dietary and exercise changes since November 1 that have resulted in dropping eight pounds.
The above connects well to my previous post wherein I discuss becoming a high-value man.
My biggest challenge last year was my dad and his health; he’s 83, has a good heart, good general health, and lousy balance due to bouts of vertigo and loss of lower body strength. He fell last year while at his winter residence and broke two ribs, which put him in the hospital, then a rehab facility, then Covid, then assisted living during recovery, and needing to use a walker. Long-distance management of his health was worrisome and stressful. I convinced him it was time to move closer to me and into an eldercare facility. He trusted me to make all the choices; I found a fantastic facility, chose his independent living apartment, and then, with the help of my daughter, traveled with him and settled him into his new home. It’s’ like a 5-star hotel, and when the time comes, he will transition into their assisted living section. He’s thrilled, and I now see him weekly rather than occasionally. It’s a mammoth relief to have him close and somewhat supervised.
The whole process was high-stakes; I had to make crucial decisions that directly impacted his happiness, welfare, and comfort; we took multiple airline flights; I outfitted his apartment with everything from furniture to tableware to kitchen utensils to hand soap to linens; all the while wondering if I was making the correct evaluation of his ability to live independently, and whether I was spending his retirement money wisely. Fuck. The whole process consumed a lot of my bandwidth last year.
Then, of course, there was the love-bombing crazy chick. I packed a LOT of drama into those eight weeks! It still feels simultaneously like a failure and a victory. I haven’t heard from her, so I think it’s safe to say that the chapter has closed.
I have not previously mentioned the holdover chick from 2022, which continued into 2023 and ended when the love-bombing chick entered the scene. Fitness instructor, six-pack abs, cute and petite. We saw each other no more than once a week for about ten months, during which I was consistent with my message that I would not get into a relationship; she even said she didn’t mind if I saw other women, and I did. However, as time went on, I sensed she was getting attached; I know I had the talk with her at least two more times. Eventually, I decided to go exclusive with the crazy chick, told the fitness chick we couldn’t see each other anymore… and I broke her heart. I don’t know if there was anything else I could have done to prevent that; the last thing I want to do is hurt someone. I know I am not responsible for someone else’s perceptions, but I do not want a repeat performance of this, so I’ll need to trust my gut when it tells me a woman is getting too attached and take firmer action; I’m open to suggestions on how to handle this. The postscript is we live in the same town, and we’ve run into each other once; I thought she was going to cry. And then, to add a level of weirdness to it all, she sent her family photo Christmas card (I never met her kids), and just today, she liked my profile on Bumble; oof. No good can come from reopening this, so I won’t.
Moving on to 2024 goals.
Act the way you’d like to be and soon you’ll be the way you act.
Leonard Cohen
Creatively, I’d like to expand the reach of this blog. I have something to say to the guy who finds himself newly single in mid-life. I also enjoy the creation process of writing and want to hone my craft further. The blog is here to stay. Also, my photography hobby is fulfilling; I favor landscape and street photography. I want to expand my repertoire and include more people in my compositions.
My fitness and health goals are to build upon my progress since November, dial in my diet further, and push myself exercising. I want to lose another 5-10 pounds and increase my athleticism. I’ve been a gym rat for a long time, but I realized late last year that I had the cruise control engaged, had fallen into a rut, and was no longer pushing for progress at the gym. I am currently reading this book and am looking forward to applying its lessons.
Although I had fun last year going on all those dates, I paid a price: it took time away from other activities and people I enjoy. For example, I racked up the fewest motorcycle miles last year since I started riding.
I have been flat-out dating for the past two years with no breaks. At a minimum, I was seeing or pursuing someone, including right after the love-bombing episode. I’ve learned a lot about myself and women, which certainly has made me better at dating and seduction. The flip side of this is the dopamine hit from successfully pursuing women and swiping on the apps has become addicting. And a distraction from more important things in my life. I see now I need to back off the throttle.
I see merit in challenging myself to meet more women in person; I’m introverted, so this does not come naturally. I have healthy boundaries of no dating through work, no neighbors, and no one from my gym, so I will need to venture forth into the land of women more frequently and get out of my comfort zone. In retrospect, my success with online dating has made me a bit lazy.
The most significant pull to the bachelor lifestyle for me is its freedom and independence. I have almost complete sovereignty over my life; the peace and freedom this brings to me is profoundly meaningful, more meaningful than any romantic relationship could add to my life right now. Secondly, I have complete autonomy over who is in my life. My friends add to my life, and I think they would say the same of me. We serve each other and make a difference.
Three more activity goals for this year: obtain scuba certification, try my hand at golf, and host more parties. Last year, I hosted just once, and it was a fun and enriching experience; I want more of that in my life.
I’d like to hear about your 2024 goals; please comment below. I’d also appreciate any feedback about my 2023 summary and 2024 goals that occurred to you.
Thank you for reading. And thank you for being here. I appreciate you and wish you a fantastic 2024. Please hit the subscribe button if you haven’t already done so, and feel free to forward this post to anyone you think may enjoy or benefit from this content.
Peace, Freedom and Progress